Sometimes, the weight of the change in my life presses me down; it squeezes the memory of the past and my flattened soul vacantly praises His mercy. Why did you put me here, my Lord?
The joy of knowing God and the pleasure of studying theology continue
to stimulate my conscience. Rigorous education here proves that I am an
ignorant man, who lacks cleverness to comprehend all knowledge. But I
never had this unceasing desire before. I
know that pleasant feelings can lose their existence in a second, and
fervent desires can be frozen in a day. But my thirst still yearns for
the water. The dead cannot feel any thirst. This must mean that I am alive;
alive to drink water to quench the thirst. But, why am I alive, my Lord?
I am a blessed sinner. I have been granted a joy of knowing of God, His
ontological essence as well as His attributes; and a joy of knowing
God, His merciful and voluntary acts upon the creatures. But this joy is
only a shadow of an archetypal happiness. The massive will come. There
will come a massive joy that will sweep my soul. I am a blessed sinner,
who has received eyes to look forward to the coming joy.
God, you are my hope of the future happiness, my Lord.